SKATE PANTS

There i was dancing around with my fly down in my baggiest pants.
'That sure was a great joint. I should come here more often'.
These were my skate pants, these pants flapped when i flipped, they are the pants that hide your shoe perfectly and these are the tracks that keep you going all night.
We saw each other across the floor. It was crazy that night. My acid had me...in this fucking place... I couldnt stop moving. This pill turned into ecstacy. It was a smile that could break a man, her face in the shadows amongst the crowd. I just couldnt stop moving my feet, my legs, my hips...every part of me. I was just smiling so hard.
I couldnt stop myself running my fingers through my hair and across my face. And there she was in that second between laser and strobe and ultra violet clouds of smoke and heat and beats.

The track like touches me...im like 'WHAT???!!!!. We dance across this ..this place.. My feet, they just cant fucking stop moving, that sound of my pants flapping and there she was..right there, right fucking there, man, the lights that night, the lights. My face.My hair

I step toward her and back, back again almost forward. The track freezes us all and then something in the distance beats radiated. It had me smelling her air. Then this beat, this chirp, i just couldnt stop my feet, and there she was.. but like SHES 10 cm AWAY.
Shes right there. Shes really moving..she cant stop. I stop touching my face and hair and cut the air around her, my arms, i drift away and its just me, but i havent moved and shes right there and her lips are against mine, its her hair and mine and this track, it was made for us for this moment.

I never wanted it to end, this moment. The track winds up so hard we cant stay still long enough to kiss for more than a moment between moments. The trance has me so wound up that ive totally lost control. I step back to her left, right back forward. I was fucking up there man and the smiles and those beats and that acid those eyes. The dream, those fucking smiles.
I saw her again that night as we piled out onto the deserted street. We stopped and stared and smiled and she was gone.

OPENING DAY
I m trying my hardest to remain positive. Its not always easy.. I mean i cant complain, my life is fairly much perfect. It actually seems like i have some degree of control. I realised alot and had begun to accept things. I found some regret in this acceptance. There was a time when i wouldnt accept anything but the perfection i was aiming for.

I had a job and an apartment, i mean im not saying i was without wants, far from it, but things came to me. They just did.

On many occasions i had found a reason to dispute the use of mobile phones and their users who seemed to spend most of their lives with a tiny telephone glued to their ears. However on this occasion, whilst i surveyed the store shelves of my local market in Shukagawa the vibration in my pocket could only mean one thing.
I felt like i had waited weeks for this call, well actually i had. It had been two weeks since we had spoken. Shed caught me chill in front of the fluoresent lights of the poultry section as i was contemplating my next meal. I thought about ignoring it and calling back another time, but this was not a girl that i would ever think about ignoring. She deserved at least to be chosen over a selection of plumb pink chicken peices. No matter how hungry i was.
I took a second to look at the small display on my telephone-but i neednt have. I knew it was her all along. I think i just liked the look of her name. It kind of excited me, the way some girls names do. I couldnt think of any names except hers at that moment, but some girls names just excite me. I cleared my throat, and wondered how i should best sound. I wanted to let her know i was frustrated at not having spoken to her for weeks, but i also wanted to sound cool and non-chalont. I was desperate for her but for some reason it seemed important that she should never know.


FRESH PRODUCE

We struggled through the first few seconds until we could judge each others mood. This was why i usually hate telephones, its so hard to judge someones mood without seeing their facial expressions. She sounded interested....she laughed alot, but not a stupid laugh, an im interested sort of a laugh. I didnt have to try hard to make her laugh, but i did try. I felt it was important to make her feel comfortable. I didnt chase her laugh with stupid sorts of corny jokes or any crap like that, just with happy stuff that made nice , smart people laugh. Like the way you laugh when you hear something that just sounds good and makes you feel happy and you cant help but laugh.

After five minutes of this she told me she really liked speaking with me. I told her that i also really liked talking with her and that i was very happy that she called.
She asked me all sorts of stuff about different things, and i asked her about alot of different things as well.
We both sounded very interested, i think. After maybe 15 minutes we arranged to meet at the station in Okamoto on Sunday at 7pm. She told me she liked Okamoto and that it was near her work so she could meet me as soon as she finished. I told her that it sounded perfect..maybe that sounded bad... i didnt want to sound too keen, but i also didnt want to sound too cool or non-chalant. I kind of bit my lip and my arm hurt from holding the telephone to my ear, so i played it cool and said "yeah, that sounds good, ill see you on Sunday at Okamoto..7pm"
She told me again that she really enjoyed speaking with me. Maybe she was just blowing smoke up my ass, but she had no reason to, and we both sounded really interested.

I said goodbye in this cutesy kind of cheesy voice which i regreted using right away, but she replied in this really nice cutesy voice...the kind of voice that sounds like the person wants to keep talking but couldnt because i was shopping or she really needed to do something. Thats another reason i dont like mobile phones so much, I always seem to get caught up iline i could maybe lay back on the sofa or something and talk for hours and watch TV at the same time or something. Not that i wanted to watch TV.n conversations in stupid places like in front of the poultry section. At least on a land


The Question she had asked me a question right there in isle 5.. Shed asked me what was more important to me, to be loved or to love. Wed thrown around a few ideas, she talked with percentages and had kind of lost me. I guess i was really looking for a true answer. I told her that id think about it.
I say that sometimes, you know how people say that sometimes..that theyed think about it, and you dont know if they really ever will. Its actually something i just say sometimes when i couldnt think of an answer i was happy with.
Well, a week or so had passed, and actually i had thought alot about that question. We'd asked each other alot of questions that night and i remember that i probably said id think about it on a few occasions.. She was the kind of girl you wanted to give good answers to, and i guess i was acting kind of desperate looking for hidden meaning in her cryptic questions imagining every answer was shaping our potential future together. What a desperate way to feel about a conversation.
Anyway id realised in the last week that it was more important for me to give love than recieve love.. I mean, i had people that loved me, and i didnt really seem to care... But the girl i thought i loved was unable to recieve me, and that hurt and made me feel frustrated and made me feel incomplete.
I mean when someone loves you, its pretty easy to take that love for granted, i mean, well a whole bunch of people could be loving me at this very instant and i couldnt really care less, but the one person i wanted to feel MY love seemed unable to even honestly call herself my friend.And i mean i just had this love inside me for this certain person, and the idea that she didnt want anything to do with it just kind of cut cut me up. It really cut me up.
And i mean ..WOW...I guess this is the time for acceptance-time to just accept and forget five years, but you know this wasnt a girl you just forget. Some girls you just cant forget, you dont want to forget. And accept that its just maybe enough to know that you knew her, or accept that like this sentance my relationship with her was going to end at any moment.