THE GROVE

It was still cold in Kyoto. Spring had not yet trully arrived and the last of the gentle snow fell on the heads of the weekend visitors. The sun appeared and disappeared every so often, a squawking crow and miles of treed mountains marked his horizon.
I came to search and tried to find peace somewhere in my clouded mind. Self expression had worked in the past but today i wasnt so sure.


I closed my eyes and floated back into the grove, i held my head between my knees to block her out and the distraction of her love. I wanted her there with me in the quiet of the grove, without gentle longings and work, money or commute. I wanted peace to fill our hearts and let us open ourselves to each other. Id never bought any one into that green place. No one real any way. Maybe it was just a place for me, but thats maybe why i was alone. Because i never did share this place with anyone.


Id let things become so confused so quickly. they seemed to do that in my life. Baffled by extremes i tried to regain that simple peace that let me walk through life without fear or contempt. I saew a few of her many moods in the pictures that i held in my mind. She kept me from my quiet place, made my mind swell and exhale. What was the reasoning behind this infactuation. Why had i followed her for so far and so long. Why did i never let her go?.
What compelld me to want to fill our lives with romance and experience? Why was i willing to risk everything for her.Why do i think i finally found the one i was looking for, and why did i step on so many to reach her?.
I let these questions define me. She was the crease on my brow, the dark color under my eyes. She was the distant place i stared at when i let my mind wander. She seemed a fantastic improbable dream, the peak of some great mountain.A distant star. I wanted to take her hand and walk through that garden, enjoy the banks of the Kamo , take time under Shukagawa blossoms.

The air chilled me as i hurried from the park. Again the clouds covered the sun as i darted into the subway. I needed a friend where i had none. My goal seemed clear, but unfair and unrealistic. It would take time, long and painful. How best to spend this time it did not seem to matter, but in the interests of preserving my intergrity it would seem wise to make the most of it.